I was sitting on a chairlift recently watching the people below me and it occurred to me that you can tell a lot about someone from how they get down a mountain. Some people stick to the groomed runs all day. Some go straight into the trees looking for snow nobody has touched. Some spend the whole day in the terrain park trying the same jump 40 times. And I started wondering whether the way you ski or board is basically just how you live your life, with better scenery.
I did a season at Big White in Canada years ago, so I’ve had plenty of time to observe the different species. Here they are, along with what I reckon each one says about how you handle the rest of your life. This is not science. It’s a chairlift theory.
The Groomer Cruiser
Blue runs. Corduroy. Big wide carving turns on snow that a machine flattened at 4am. The Groomer Cruiser is out there for the feeling of going fast on a surface with no surprises, and to be honest it’s a pretty good feeling. They will do the same three runs all day and go home happy.
In life: You like a plan. You’ve had the same job for a while, you know what you’re ordering before you get to the restaurant, and you find the phrase “let’s just wing it” mildly threatening. The upside is you almost never end up upside down in a creek. The downside is you occasionally look over at the trees and wonder what you’re missing.
The Powder Hound
This person checks the snow report before they check their messages. On a powder day they’re first on the lift and they head straight off the side of the run into the trees, because untouched snow is the whole point and the groomers are for people who’ve given up. They accept that finding the good stuff means occasionally hitting a stump, losing a ski in a tree well, and having to hike out of somewhere they shouldn’t have been.
In life: You’d rather try something and have it go wrong than do the obvious thing and have it go fine. You’ve started a business, moved countries, or taken a job nobody understood. Your friends think you’re either brave or an idiot and you’re not entirely sure yourself. You’re also the person who occasionally has to be rescued, so it helps to have a Groomer Cruiser in your life who knows where you went.
The Park Rat
Spends all day in the terrain park. Hits the same rail 40 times. Falls 35 of those times. Gets up, dusts off, goes again, and when it finally works they act like it was no big deal. Usually wearing pants that could fit two people.
In life: You’re the practise person. You don’t mind looking bad while you’re learning, which is a rarer quality than it sounds. You’ll happily spend six months getting good at one thing everyone else gave up on after a weekend. The risk is that you get so focused on the one rail that you forget there’s a whole mountain out there.
The Mogul Masochist
Actively seeks out the bumpiest, most knee destroying run on the mountain and skis it top to bottom without stopping. Nobody else understands why. They don’t need you to understand.
In life: You choose the hard way on purpose. You do the tax return yourself. You built the deck instead of paying someone. You think things that come easily aren’t worth much, and you might be right, but your knees would like a word.
The Backcountry Purist
Doesn’t even use the lifts. Straps skins to their skis, walks uphill for three hours, and skis down for eleven minutes. Carries a shovel, a beacon and a strong opinion about resorts. Will tell you the walk up was the best part and appear to mean it.
In life: You’re not interested in doing what everyone else is doing, and you’re willing to work a lot harder to avoid it. You’ve probably deleted at least one social media app on principle. You’re also the person most likely to say “the journey is the destination” without irony, which the rest of us have agreed to forgive because you always bring good snacks.
The Snowplough Survivor
Still in the pizza wedge on day three. Terrified of the T bar. Has fallen getting off the chairlift at least once with a full audience. But they’re still out there, still going, and by the end of the week they’ve done their first blue run and are more excited about it than anyone on the mountain.
In life: You’re a beginner at something right now and you’re doing it anyway. This is the group I’ve got the most respect for. Every single person on this list was a Snowplough Survivor once, and most of them have forgotten. I wrote a while ago about starting before you’re ready, and this is what it looks like in a helmet.
The Apres Specialist
Does two runs, declares the conditions “a bit icy”, and is at the bar by 11:30. Knows the bartender by name. Has the best stories of anyone at dinner even though they skied the least. Is somehow always the person everyone wants to sit next to.
In life: You’ve worked out that the whole thing is really about the people, and you’re not wrong. You’re the one who organises the trip in the first place. Without you the Powder Hound would be eating a muesli bar alone in a car park.
So which one am I?
Snowboarder, for a start, which some of you will consider disqualifying. Back at Big White I was about 75% Powder Hound and 25% Park Rat. Powder days were the only days that really counted and I spent a lot of time in the trees, and a fair bit of time digging myself out of them. When the conditions weren’t good I’d head to the park and hit the same rail 40 times like everyone else. These days I’m still a Powder Hound, just a little bit slower. Not much. Which, now that I think about it, is a pretty accurate description of my life at the moment too.
I don’t think one style is better than another. The mountain needs all of them, and to be honest the best days I’ve had were with a group that had one of each. What I do think is that most people ski the way they live without ever noticing, and it’s worth noticing. If you’ve been on the groomers for ten years, maybe duck into the trees once. If you’re always in the trees, maybe do a couple of relaxing blue runs and see how it feels to not be in danger for an hour.
So, which one are you? And more importantly, which one does your partner think you are? Let me know in the comments.
